Vintage Tumblr Themes
Next Page

I'm a coyote with sunglasses!

uhh i never know what to write in these things.

you tell crazy stories but has a woman ever tried to kill you ?




This one girl accused me of cheating for having female friends (which i wasnt fucking or flirting with but was just cool friends I dont wanna talk to a bunch of niggas all day i need a female perspective on things) she was screaming at me for 20 mins straight

i dont argue back cause im laid back im just like mhmmm mhmmm looking in my phone checking sports scores and on twitter … so at one point she says “was the pussy atleast good my nigga?” i was like “mmhmm that shit was nice and tight”  all of a sudden i heard silence i look up shes like


*this is the moment where i knew i fucked up*

just looks at me like that for like 20 seconds “im like bae im just playing.. im just playing…”  she runs to the kitchen… and starts going in the drawers “im like shawty u needa chill”   im like “im just playing”

she pulls something out all i see was the light beam reflect off it

i get a good look i see this in her hand

im in the couch like

she starts running towards me so i open the door step outside then shut the door from the outside and use all my body weight to hold onto the door knob, She used to run track in highschool so i think she gon catch me so im like nah im not even gon run and get stabbed in the spine

she pulling tryna open it lol im in a project type building on the 12th floor man I was standing there for 43 mins shorty aint have an ounce of quit in her. People walking by laughing hearing her screaming at me

some middle aged lady walked by she was like 50 she was like “mmmmhmmm she caught your ass didnt she”

im like “ma’am help my arms tired”

she was like ahaaa nope “call that bitch you was fucking for help”  and walked into her apt

then shorties mom came out the elevator i was like thank god.. she was like oh lord what u do.. i was like “nothingg ma’am she got a knife i swear i did nothing ” her mom was like “kita put the damn knife down im coming in if u stab me imma beat your ass” i feel the pressure get off the door and i make a run for it i see her try to come chase me but her mom blocks her Im sure i coulda beat usain bolt in a race the way i was running

she was really gon stab me, If her moms aint come i woulda still been standing there holding the door to this day

i’ve never re-blogged something so quick in my life. 

I fuckin love tumblr stories

Oct 18th at 8PM / via: ferrickhistoryts / op: addelburgh / 372,119 notes


It’s a ham sandwich

like was that really fucking nessecary
you all have to sleep in that spot



It’s a ham sandwich

like was that really fucking nessecary

you all have to sleep in that spot

Oct 18th at 2PM / via: omgagiantrock / op: cumfort-food / 280,696 notes



there’s a ten year old boy in my high school honors math class who speaks six different languages.

you shitheads think im fucking with you look at this little genius.
image like what even image look at him discussing with our teacher and shit she has more respect for that child than me im so jealous of his like everything. image are you smarter than a fifth grader? image no I’m fucking not.

Oct 18th at 2PM / via: goatish / op: deluminator / 55,316 notes

Oct 18th at 12PM / via: johnnkeats / op: englishsnow / 8,841 notes


 chris dorley-brown

Oct 18th at 12PM / via: goatish / op: pomeranian2 / 22,382 notes

Oct 18th at 12PM / via: goatish / op: green-satan / 492,175 notes


trying to leave tumblr


Oct 17th at 6PM / via: actualmayafey / op: spookykisaragi / 144,628 notes



imagine a series where everyone is already dead and enjoying the afterlife but the events start to happen and people start to revive so the plot focuses on people trying to cling to death because they dont want to go back to the world and live and have to put up with everything

so in this series instead of the usual “everyone dies” tragedy the problem becomes that “everyone lives”


Oct 17th at 11AM / via: reblogmytextpost / op: yodiscrepo / 20,720 notes


I think Andy may have realised that his animal is of the stuffed variety.